I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
