i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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