Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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