how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
