i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Can I color on your dick again?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
