I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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