Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
