you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
