craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
