you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
