RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
17 year olds will be the death of me.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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