Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
