You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
