why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
