just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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