I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
