They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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