how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
