i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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