Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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