Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
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tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
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I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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