We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
