is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
