Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
