I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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