not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
