umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
