So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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