Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Randomize
