this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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