i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
