I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
When are your genitals available?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
