Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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