Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
