she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
We talked him into tasing himself.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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