Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
