Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
