so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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