shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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