I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
