google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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