hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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