I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
