my mouth tastes like poor choices
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
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They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
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Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.