I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
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He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
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I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms