I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS