we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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