it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.