If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
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I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
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all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.