Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.