you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
