Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
