im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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