i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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