I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
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I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
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He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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