went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
