Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
