You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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