blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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