I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
