he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
