every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
