remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
