i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
