My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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