Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
