Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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