carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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