im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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