I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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