I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
