Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i wish my penis had a tongue
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
