who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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