tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My pussy is not your playground.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
