your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
