the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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